Thursday, August 25, 2005

The Best Democracy Fraud will Buy

A friendly reminder:

All credible domestic and international observers have declared that the elections, including the processes of the election day have been free, fair and transparent by any standard and not just by Ethiopian or African standards.

June 30, 2005
PM Meles Zenawi’s Letter to US Congress

Ehhhhh... not so much....

"The EU Observation Mission regrets [that the election process] did not live up to the international standards and to the aspirations of Ethiopians for democracy," Ms Gomes said.

Thursday, August 25, 2005
BBC

Well, inching closer and closer.

You know how I’m always contending that the EPRDF is slowly committing suicide ( and everyone ignores me)? Is there any, ANY more proof of that than the article, “Gomes, Clarke: Neutral observers or hidden dealers?” published in the State controlled newspaper and then promptly posted on Walta Disinformation Center? You can’t pay to see this kind of stuff.

The opposition should get on its knees and thank the EPRDF for that article. My favorite quote:

Some reliable sources leaked to this writer that she [Gomes] is promised to be paid up to 20% of the money collected from the diaspora provided she writes a critical observation on elections

20%? Shhooot! If I know anything about Ana, I’d think she’d ask for at least for 30%.

Okay, so I am totally ripping off David Letterman and the Seleda Top Ten, but here goes nothing…

So here are a few predictions on how the EPRDF is going to respond to today’s Democartius Interruptus report issued by the EU that basically says that these elections were not even kosher by Robert Mugabe standards.

  1. The PM said “credible” international observers. He did not mean to include the EU in that category.
  2. Anna Gomes is pregnant with Berhanu Nega’s child.
  3. Beyene Petros is pregnant with Tim Clarke’s child.
  4. Article 109 of the election rules clearly states: “No one but the ruling party is allowed to rig elections.”
  5. The opposition leaders are all Europeans, so the European Union? Hmmm…? Guess who they’re gonna support?
  6. EVERY observer from the People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals said that the EPRDF won these elections, “hands down.”
  7. Did we say democracy? We meant Kleptocracy—it’s EPRDF for democracy.
  8. We are waiting to see if Ms. Gomes will accept the Prime Minister’s offer to share his Yara Prize award money in return for endorsing these elections before we cast aspersions on her.
  9. Tim Clarke has been heard to say under the influence of a couple of St. George beers that Queen Elizabeth has promised to make him the Viscount of Bole isf he writes a bad report on the elections.
  10. Information Minister Bereket Simon, responding to the EU report said today, “There are evidences that have a golden lining in the clouds of democracy that the opposition’s hell-bented-ness violence tendency shall be a shot in the leg for our free democracy that will make them paddle their own ferry boat barring any rain down of cats and poodles in a fair election which, as we all know, a picture is worth a thousand grenades. So, realistically, flattery will get you different strokes for different standards of democracy. So, you see, it is very clear that we won the elections.
  11. Elections? Oh, we thought you said erections. Yes, our erections are fake too.

Oh, EPRDF. How creepy thou art.


9 Comments:

Anonymous yekolotemari said...

This is too funny:-) Keep it coming.

9:40 AM, August 26, 2005  
Anonymous Yosias T. said...

EPRDF's politics has become assiduously comical. Its recent statements are nothing more than child's play, as a true political party can at least manage to orchestrate a better propaganda campaign. Meles & Co. have sunk so low to the point of accusing Ana Gomes & Tim Clarke of subornment with the CUD. Just when we think they have mastered the art of deceit, they disappoint us duly. News coming out of Addis has it that Tefera Walwa and other ministers have joined the Bereket fiasco, scaling up their attacks on anyone & everyone opposed to the EPRDF. Most of the accusations center around the ethnic card, the usual chants of Amhara chauvinism which now have come to include the Orthodox church and its devout adherents (with specific references to Amharas & Gurages) being labeled as aristocrat wannabes and criminals. Once again, this proves your theory that EPRDF is only accelerating its demise.

9:46 AM, August 26, 2005  
Anonymous Not Genet Zewdie said...

Wonqqqqqqi,

guess where i first read this blog entry? At Kaldi's!! someone had printed it and it was going around.

wonqi, you are this close to being an institution. all you need is to be promised at least 10% of the diaspora money. i can negotiate a deal for you.

selam from addis.

1:02 PM, August 26, 2005  
Anonymous Ye Filwiha said...

wonki -- now that your readership is growing by the day (I wonder though if Bereket and some of his gang members read real stuff like this -- should we ask our own ngz to do some investigative reporting while she's in Addis? oooo we don't want the silly EPRDFers to mess with our girl though -- silly me, I went off tangent), thanking you for what you do thru your blog goes without saying -- yet, I find another reason to thank you --thanks a bunch for the links you have on your blog.

This YeQolo Temari blog is more than brilliant!!!

P.S. Yes, the fat lady is warming up -- putting her make up on and fine tuning her voice for the EPRDF funeral -- or so I hope! Hope is what keeps me going.

4:08 PM, August 26, 2005  
Anonymous world's smallest masinqo said...

nefs wenqqi--

hard as you try, once again, you have been trumped by the PR sophisticates in the EPRDF. I give you:

The Ethiopian government says the head of the EU Election Observation Mission (EU-EOM) has contributed its share to the 8 June violence due to two cardinal mistakes it committed before and after the 15 May elections.

no, that's not #12 on you list. it's fer real
real.

thnx for the levity, tho. (NGZ is having my baby.)

11:29 PM, August 26, 2005  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

#13-- "According to the great Pat Robertson, he meant to call on the EU to be assasinated because they don't know how to observe elections."

1:31 AM, August 27, 2005  
Anonymous Hana Gobez said...

I hope you all have seen the walta report, it made me wonder if the person that wrote it ever went to the conference that was held by Ana Gomez? Also EPRDF is alleging the qulity of the report is substandard. Oh well the good folks at walta should have done the editing!

Next time those EU observers will have to be given some training on election procedures by Meles Zenawi, the father of fake democracy in Ethiopia.

3:47 AM, August 27, 2005  
Anonymous Wegesha said...

You mean to tell me this is not the most democratically elected government in the world? Are you serious? Wow! Idiot me. To me, the election process appeared transparent; as charcoal i.e, not to mention the daring honesty of Mr Bereket Simon when he said "only the ruling party can rig the elections." Abso-fuckin'-lutely Bereket, you have nailed the issue right on the money.

3:14 PM, August 28, 2005  
Anonymous mannewsimwa said...

seriously, when WAS the last time that Meles travelled outside of the fortified walls of the palace to venture forth to the other regions? ....? besides the time he went to Adwa to vote for himself in an ...ummm... uncontested election?

to paraphrase him, 'when? when? when?'

10:50 PM, September 06, 2005  

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