The Best Democracy Fraud will Buy
A friendly reminder:
All credible domestic and international observers have declared that the elections, including the processes of the election day have been free, fair and transparent by any standard and not just by Ethiopian or African standards.
Ehhhhh... not so much....
Ehhhhh... not so much....
"The EU Observation Mission regrets [that the election process] did not live up to the international standards and to the aspirations of Ethiopians for democracy," Ms Gomes said.
Well, inching closer and closer.
You know how I’m always contending that the EPRDF is slowly committing suicide ( and everyone ignores me)? Is there any, ANY more proof of that than the article, “Gomes, Clarke: Neutral observers or hidden dealers?” published in the State controlled newspaper and then promptly posted on
The opposition should get on its knees and thank the EPRDF for that article. My favorite quote:
Some reliable sources leaked to this writer that she [Gomes] is promised to be paid up to 20% of the money collected from the diaspora provided she writes a critical observation on elections
20%? Shhooot! If I know anything about Ana, I’d think she’d ask for at least for 30%.
Okay, so I am totally ripping off David Letterman and the Seleda Top Ten, but here goes nothing…
So here are a few predictions on how the EPRDF is going to respond to today’s Democartius Interruptus report issued by the EU that basically says that these elections were not even kosher by Robert Mugabe standards.
- The PM said “credible” international observers. He did not mean to include the EU in that category.
- Anna Gomes is pregnant with Berhanu Nega’s child.
- Beyene Petros is pregnant with Tim Clarke’s child.
- Article 109 of the election rules clearly states: “No one but the ruling party is allowed to rig elections.”
- The opposition leaders are all Europeans, so the European Union? Hmmm…? Guess who they’re gonna support?
- EVERY observer from the People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals said that the EPRDF won these elections, “hands down.”
- Did we say democracy? We meant Kleptocracy—it’s EPRDF for democracy.
- We are waiting to see if Ms. Gomes will accept the Prime Minister’s offer to share his Yara Prize award money in return for endorsing these elections before we cast aspersions on her.
- Tim Clarke has been heard to say under the influence of a couple of St. George beers that Queen Elizabeth has promised to make him the Viscount of Bole isf he writes a bad report on the elections.
- Information Minister Bereket Simon, responding to the EU report said today, “There are evidences that have a golden lining in the clouds of democracy that the opposition’s hell-bented-ness violence tendency shall be a shot in the leg for our free democracy that will make them paddle their own ferry boat barring any rain down of cats and poodles in a fair election which, as we all know, a picture is worth a thousand grenades. So, realistically, flattery will get you different strokes for different standards of democracy. So, you see, it is very clear that we won the elections.
- Elections? Oh, we thought you said erections. Yes, our erections are fake too.
Oh, EPRDF. How creepy thou art.