Monday, June 20, 2005

Vacation Evacuation

My husband was aghast that I brought my computer on vacation until a short excursion in search of a cyber café left him cross-eyed with anger… “How in the hell don’t you put a cyber café on some Rue freakin’ de Etats Unis… doesn’t that mean United States? Goddamn … bla-bla-bla…”

More tales about “The Misadventures of the Hyphenated Ethiopian in Southern France” later… By the way, when you take kids on vacation with you, is it still called a vacation? Well, it shouldn’t. Even our LMK (low maintenance kid) morphs into some fessam little mischievous sprite… egzio! Refreshing fact: seemingly everyone here knows what’s been going on in Ethiopia… amazing. I am usually in “Ethiopia 101” mode with ferenjies in the States, that it’s actually interesting to hear a French cabbie say, “So, you have a crazy guy in Ethiopie, non? What his name is?” “We all just call him crazy guy.”

I am heeding to the advice left in the comments section from the last blog and keeping it short… sorry about the long-winded heave.

A couple of little things first…

Think back to the Clinton administration. You remember what each congressional probe into what he did to/with thonged interns meant: people in Iraq had to die. All of a sudden, pacifist B.C was a cowboy finding some excuse to drop a few on Iraq whenever people in the Senate started talking about cigars…

Well, the former Ethiopian land known as Eritrea, is the EPRDF’s Monica Lewinsky.

June 16: The government was kind enough to inform us that


Some Eritrean spies suspected to have been sent by Eritrea to commit terrorist
acts in Ethiopia have been arrested by police with assortment of weapons,
explosives and personal guns last week.

(Personally, the only terrorism I see is the syntax in that sentence.) Oh, so that’s where the EPRDF goons got their “assortment of weapons, explosives and personal guns” to commit their “law enforcement” activities of last week? (Personal guns?? As in they are engraved?)

But my favorite part:


These Eritrean security agents, who are said to have a hand in last week's
violence in Addis Ababa, are under strict interrogation and our sources said no
one knows the type of action the government will take against them yet.

Well, if the government didn’t willy-nilly let Eritrean journalists come into the country to interview opposition members under house arrest, maybe the spies would have had second thoughts about bringing in their personal guns!

Expect more news like … lo and behold, “Hundreds of Eritreans Flee to Ethiopia.” 600 of them, actually… Cigar, anyone?

Next little item…

Proving that without a doubt California is where former stoner, hippie dingbats go to be elected into government… check out this story.

Short version: Orange County, CA … Rep. Dana Rohrabacher… he has a surfing buddy… a very good surfing buddy… surfing buddy has family who used to be Ethiopian but are now Eritrean-American… family used to own alcohol distillery in Addis… MengE, who either hates distilleries or people who own them, nationalized the distillery in the 70s. Got it, so far? Okay, so back to surfing buddies. Rep. Dana’s bill holding up all US aid to Ethiopia unless the government pays surfing buddy’s family mucho moolah … just passed the house!


Now the dispute is poised to reach the highest levels of government.
Rohrabacher's resolution passed the House last week as part of a larger foreign
policy bill and is making its way to the Senate, where little opposition is
expected.


"The reason they don't want to give it back is because the senior government
officials have probably been pilfering it for years.”

Probably??? Dude, you have no idea.

I am not kidding… Eri guy and Rep. Dana are surfing buddies:


"Frankly, he became sort of a surfing buddy to me,” Rohrabacher said. "He's a
good friend.”

Man, if I was PM Meles I’d be royally pissed off. All he got from his long-term friendship with Jimm’ah Car’ra was the permission to rig one lousy election. Some brain-dead surfer-dude managed to find someone to hold up millions of dollars for the entire nation until he getz payyyed! I love this country.

Remember the time and effort it took to pass H. R. 935 urging the Ethiopian government to hold free and fair elections? Shoot, you mean all we needed to do was to have taken surfing? We still have a lot to learn about American politics…

In addition to withholding U.S. economic aid, which last year amounted to about
$100 million, it also would block money through the Export-Import Bank, Foreign
Military Financing, the Global AIDS Initiative, and the Overseas Private
Investment Corporation.

Eheh! Who needs money for AIDS… we have a distillery problem to solve.
(Note to self: move the hell out of California!)

Annnnyway…

Just in case you, too, want to surf with Rep. Dana and chill out in Margaritaville in Speedos , or, if you want to thank him for showing all of us how far we should go for our friends--even if it means that 70 odd million people... whatever, y'know, like suffer, or, if you think REp. Dana has wiped out one too many times and you want to pay for an MRI of his brain… please call to tell him: (202) 225-2415 or email him: mailto:Dana@mail.house.gov

Speaking of California, it took me getting out of the country for the Los Angeles Times to cover the crisis in Ethiopia…


The international backlash poses a serious challenge to Prime Minister Meles
Zenawi, whose party seized control of Ethiopia in 1991.

Tell that to Tony Blair… I should have a “Days PM Tony Blair has remained quiet about his friend’s bloodlust” counter. It’s too beautiful outside right now to figure out html.

So, annnnyyway… here’s the clincher:


But his government's heavy-handed response to its apparent poor showing in the
May 15 national election has dealt a blow to Meles' credibility.
Boo-ya!

No, here’s the clincher:
"

It's frustrating," said one Western diplomat in Addis Ababa who declined to be
identified. "The government simply doesn't want to give up any power."

Well, that’s the thing about Albanian Marxists… they are so stubborn about stuff like that. It’s almost as if they think that power is their god given right. Silly Marxists.

Go LA Times! … By and by, I am out of the country for 9 more days so feel free…

Next item:

When the EPRDF lobotomizes its cadres, does it use anesthesia? I don’t think so.

So after weeks of suffering through the indefensibly witless musings of PM Meles and his blindingly substandard spokesperson Bereket “Baghdad Bob” Simon, it was, well… refreshing is the wrong word… nice to see that they were able to piece together and parade another loon to defend the 36 who were killed in the June 6-11 carnage.

All hail dwarfy Ethiopian Ambassador to the United States, Kassahun Ayele who
blames the deaths on "illegal activity."

Ya-huh! As far as planet Earth is concerned, Mr. Ambassador, and please correct me if I am wrong, gunning down unarmed people … still very illegal. But something lets me that that’s not what the good “I am on growth hormones, shuddup!” Ambassador means.


He says, "They [i.e., the protesters] had set out their clear objective to
violate the constitution through an illegal way. It led to violence, which was
uncalled for and which was unnecessary.
There were complaints like there were
anywhere else about the counting [of the ballots], but there are provisions to
handle these complaints [within the law]."

Oh, snap! Did the Ambassador just call what his government did “uncalled for and unnecessary”? Did he just deviate from the well-towed line, “the government was just enforcing law and order” line? Some----onnnne’s deeeee-fecting …; Some----onnnne’s deeeee-fecting berry, berry soon… mmmmm?

Can I just say something about the opposition here…? Yes I can… it is my own damn blog! What is up with the opposition taking this “you incited the violence” thing laying down…? What the…?? How about you get brainy-sexy-mmm-mmm-good Dr. Berhanu Nega to come out guns a blazin’ telling the world that since the opposition is not allowed on state television, it has not been able to talk to its constituents to calm them down, huh? Huh? Listen opposition, WonqeTTE can’t do everything… I’ve already signed up for the utterly exhausting task of mapping out the flight patterns of the EPRDF’s extraordinarily erratic thought processes. And believe me, that’s a full time job. So, can’t hold your hand too…

And why, opposition, why oh why, haven’t you coquettishly asked the government to rescind (or better yet, defend) its statements that you are perpetually on the verge of inciting a Hutu-style ethnic cleansing? “Er, perhaps if the government takes back that statement, people’s nerves won’t be so frayed.”

To which the Darth Vader of Information Ministers, Ato Bereket, will swiftly reply: “We never said that they were like the Hutus. They are lying! They lied when they lied about lying, but this is “to incite violence” lying. In fact we have gotten reports that the opposition’s pants are on fire. So we have decided to take them to an undisclosed position while we investigate. It is against the law to put fires in your pants that the government did not put there.”

Sounds about right.

I was just about to sign off when I got wind of this little news… It’s from the Ethiopian pre-sorted News Agency so take it with a grain of laxative.

So you remember that the NEBE was investigating complaints on 299 constituents. Well, apparently that number was up to 434... who knew?

Anyway, the NEBE


…said it will investigate 146 of the 434 complaints presented by contesting
political parties.

Wow… that was quick.

The Board office told ENA on Sunday that the complaint reviewing has been done
by complaint investigating team set up by the Board.

Okay, am I wrong in thinking that the NEBE should not announce these things exclusively through a government newspaper? It just seems so … retardedly bias. By the way, they were supposed to announce it on Friday… but make room for ye abesha qeTero… even when it comes to the important matter of governing the nation… “Qoi mn aschekoleh…?”

The complaint investigating team asked additional evidences for 29 complaints
lodged by the political parties on elections in Amhara, South Ethiopia and Afar
states.

One can get old waiting for the ENA to say something of substance without making one want to pulls out one’s nails.


Among the 187 appeals presented by the Coalition for Unity and Democracy (CUD),
some 80 would be investigated, while additional evidences were required on 29 complaints.

The team also said investigations would be carried out on 14 of
the 43 complaints lodged by the Ethiopian Peoples Revolutionary Democratic Front
(EPRDF).

Oh, yes… I forgot to tell you… the EPRDF has accused the opposition of rigging votes.

Out of the 149 complaints submitted by the United Ethiopian Democratic Forces
(UEDF) some 40 have met the requirement to be investigated, according to the
team.


Among 127 complaints presented in the Amhara State, some 34 merited
investigations, while 61 of the 142 complaints presented in South Ethiopia
Peoples' State have fulfilled the investigation requirement, according to the
team.Additional evidences were required on seven complaints presented in South
Ethiopia State, it added.

I have no idea what that last part means… someone ‘splain to me.
My son’s up from his nap (note to self: more vodka in his milk next time.) Gotta run. We’ll see what this all means next time…












30 Comments:

Anonymous Anonymous said...

Tell us more about your vacation...

5:48 AM, June 20, 2005  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Ditto...more about your vaccation.

9:07 AM, June 20, 2005  
Blogger another country said...

Well I guess radical equals uninspiring. I use to love your voice; it was a unique voice in ET polotics. I hope this time of bitterness will soon come to an end. Perhaps after your vacation you will find the old you.

12:26 PM, June 20, 2005  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

wonkette girl,
you are one cool writer!
i know you're on vacation - but have you read the interview (http://www.meskelsquare.com/archives/2005/06/post.html#more) had with bereket "i can't sound (be?) any dumber if i tried" simon? i think you'll especially appreciate the unbelievably ridiculousness of the last paragraph...

2:39 PM, June 20, 2005  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

thank you for working during your vacation so we can stay informed.

3:05 PM, June 20, 2005  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Wonq, I’m beginning to wonder about you. Really! First, you leave us home alone, unattended. And then, you leave us home alone unattended to go to a place that’s got no name. South of France? That’s no PLACE! It’s a driving direction! Please tell us WHERE in the South of France you are!

Anyway, here’s more non sequitur from Baghdad Bereket for you to mull over while basking in the sun out there like some crazy white woman:

meskelsquare: I thought people could only be held for 48 hours before they were charged. What’s the procedure?
BB: You cannot go to the courts when violence is spreading in the city. The first thing they (we) have to do is preempt it . .preempt it by detaining people . . .and then you go to the courts . . .now what the police are doing is going to the courts and securing permits to bring people to justice . . . .they have also released (people) who have not been found guilty.

Okay, Wonq, he’p me out! Did the meaning of the word “preempt” change while I was not looking? Can you now “preempt” things
ex post facto? Like, “foil things BEFORE they happen by reason of a subsequent event that’s ALREADY happened?” I’m so confused!

Hold it, Wonq! Don’t go yet! Damn, you’re gone just ONE day, and I’m already falling apart! Here’s the other thing I need help with:

Okay, so, by way of “preempt-igating” things AFTER the fact, they kill some people and detain others WITHOUT bothering with the law! And then, they need a PERMIT to bring some of the detainees to justice? Indiaw lenegeru gn, what PERMIT? It’s not like they’re remodelling the bathroom at Zeway Detention Center, you know!

Demoss, why a Permit when they ARE, for all practical purposes, actively engaged in meting out “justice” right from unremodelled Zeway anyway? Remember what Balege Bereket said about releasing “people who have not been found guilty?” I mean, by what process did they arrive at such mass-acquittal? Reasonable doubt? You know what I think, WonqiyE? I think Balege Bereket has been following Michael Jackson’s Trial! That’s what I think!

Ere WonqiyE, he’p!

3:11 PM, June 20, 2005  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Dear Wonkette: this article on the election, although meant as a joke, nails it..
http://www.ethiopis.com/print.php?sid=167

4:33 PM, June 20, 2005  
Blogger Tobian said...

re: anonymous on Bereket Simon's interview.

I think the guy should be called 'Meleket Simon'. He's the Meleket of mis-information ...

wonkette .. ere take it easy on the vodka. Don't wory, the way ETs in the Diaspora have it, your son will have many guiding him on the path to True Alcoholism. Atachakuyiw ...

8:14 PM, June 20, 2005  
Anonymous Gandilla said...

mon cher, nous sommes absents vous beaucoup... rue de Etats Unis? c'est à Cannes, non?

12:26 PM, June 21, 2005  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Hey, Gandilla!

It's "ma cherie" dude!
Even Steve Wonder knows that and he can't even see.

1:05 PM, June 21, 2005  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

did 'not genet zewdie' scare the bejezuz out of anonymous? weinaye wendimennnn!

1:39 PM, June 21, 2005  
Anonymous not anonymous said...

I'm not anonymous no mo' . .no, wait! I meant I AM "not anonymous" now . .and for the record, ain't no not genet zewdie scare me none! if anything, she done roused my imagination a wee bit.

2:24 PM, June 21, 2005  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Let's play a game of where in the hell is Wonkette? I say Belgium. If it is south of France and they speak French. Oui?

3:07 PM, June 21, 2005  
Anonymous not genet zewdie said...

>if anything, she done roused my imagination a wee bit<

you seeeee? everything about anonymous/not anonymous is teeeny.

my french tinnish yaz yaregewal... gin, didn't gandilla (ante!gandilla! êtes-vous fou? elle est une femme!!) just suggest that wonq is in cannes? i think she is in the Riviera as well.

3:41 PM, June 21, 2005  
Anonymous not anonymous said...

anchi not genet zewdie! anchi?
alabezashiwmmmmm? bezih aynet neger yiqeledal?

Since we're speaking French now, how dare you talk about my oui-oui?

4:14 PM, June 21, 2005  
Anonymous Yohannes said...

is it me or when "dwarfy" ethie-ambassador Ato Kassahun says,

"they set out a clear objective to violate the constitution through an illegal way" ...

...does it sound like bad porn?

was i asleep while these guys were leading the country for the past 14 years?

not geni, you are welcome to violate *my* constitution in all illegal ways.

4:52 PM, June 21, 2005  
Anonymous yegna sew be souz dakota said...

the revolution is digitized! I just got a sweet thank you note from the Opposition for sending them money. woah. now that's what i call service.

(how much do i need to give to be in contention for ambassadorship to any of the "istan" states?)

4:58 PM, June 21, 2005  
Anonymous double anonynous said...

wonkkettegnoch,

while the wonq is away,
with ethiopundit i play...

http://ethiopundit.blogspot.com/

where is all of this erudite-ness-ness(eruditeigna?) coming from??
belew!

-fara free since june 20, 2005

5:29 PM, June 21, 2005  
Anonymous molqaqa said...

Double Anonymous,

I don't want to contribute to the degeneration of this Wonq/Fonqa forum where erudite meets riotous wit and intellect…

but…after weighing matters with clarity and dispassion, I have come to the conclusion that…

I’d totally do ethiopundit!

Thought I’d share.

6:40 PM, June 21, 2005  
Anonymous not genet zewdie said...

molq,

you and be, BOTH!
he is #2 baby-daddy material next to Lidetu.

(even if he is the 'R' word.. i followed his links.)

7:00 PM, June 21, 2005  
Anonymous not anonymous said...

yegna sew be souz dakota,

How much do you need to give to be in contention for ambassadorship to any of the "istan" states?
No amount of money would get you an appointment to Uzbekistan! Why not? Because, dear Souz Dakota, that’s where EPRDF sends its Agazee troops for training.
Look:

“In May 2005 unrest in Uzbekistan reached a head when Uzbek troops fired into a crowd of protesters in the eastern city of Andijan killing an estimated 400 to 1000 people on 13 May. Violent disturbances subsequently spread to a number of other cities in the region.”

Okay, let’s see if we can find you another “-stan.” Kyrgyzstan maybe? Nah! That’s where EPRDF send Baghdad Bereket for training.

Look:

Acting President Bakiyev said: “The republic has the strength to halt activities aimed at harming our citizens. If there are such attempts, they will get a forceful response . . .all these misguided people . . .I will not run away! And I will defend this government with a gun in my hands if necessary. I know how to use a gun,"

Acting Deputy Prime Minister Adakhan Madumarov told a news conference, in response to a question from aGerman journalist:
"In your report, say hello to Germany so they send us democracy tools like water cannon and tear gas grenades."

How about Afghanistan?




Hey Yohannes, sima!

GENIE? . . .“genie” as in indearingly “genie”????
The nerve you got, man!!
*I* soften up the girl with every little bit I got,
and you think you can butt in just like that?

7:06 PM, June 21, 2005  
Anonymous molqaqa said...

not genet,

ethiopundit is the "R" word? as in "rearing to have a three way with you and me?"

8:24 PM, June 21, 2005  
Anonymous not genet zewdie said...

lol, molq. the other "R" word that makes him have more in common wid dr. bill frist than is abesha-ly acceptable... the unmentionable "r" word. (-: but i'd still do him, too.

i danno how, but Yonni just made the otherwise vile act of violating constitutions verry sexy.

non-anonymous, your wee oui-oui aside, you are one schmart cookie. i think we have our guest blogger, folks. we want not anonymous! we-want-non-anonymous!

how come no one sent ME a thank you note when i sent money to the opposition???!!! how much did you give, hexactli, double? (mine won't even get me appointed as dog catcher in tragicistan...apparently.)

8:24 AM, June 22, 2005  
Anonymous not anonymous said...

Gee, not genet zewdie, I thought the “R” was for Rohrabacher.
Anyway, happy to see we’ve arrived! We’ve come come full circle as a community when we have us an “R” word, a “G” word (link below), and now a “T” word, which seems in the offing between you, molq and the Ethio-bandit.

And thanks for nominating me for guest-blogging, but I’ll pass.
With cute little sex-eNoch like you and Molq, keeping it clean woud be near to impossible. I tell ya, at the rate you guys are going, Wonq won’t recognize this place when she comes back.


http://nazret.com/blogs/blogs/index.php?title=the_young_and_the_homeless&more=1&c=1&tb=1&pb=1

10:17 AM, June 22, 2005  
Anonymous not anonymous said...

Proclamation on Rules of Engagement for this Blog
Issued: This 22nd Day of June,
in the year of Our Lord 2005
Place: The South of France
Issued by: Her Majesty the Queen
Ruler of the Kingdom of WonkiTE
Beloved Dominatrix
She, Who Whips Unruly Subjects into shape!


Proclamation: This proclamation shall be known as:
Proclamation 1, Act 1, Don’t-you-dare-turn-my-blog-into-a-balege-shengo-Act.
Alternatively, the proclamation can be referred to as:
Proclamation 1, Act 1, If-you-act-out-your-sexual-fantasies-in-my-blog-I-shall-act-to-enforce-the provisions-of-this-Act Act.

So, listen up y’all!

Henceforth, any female subject who harbors dreams of doing it with two males, shall be expelled from the Kingdom. Before such idolatrous female gets expelled, however, she shall produce said two men to the Royal Court for sampling purposes by Her Royal Highness Herself. Following such sampling, Her Most Puissant Majesty reserves the right to KEEP said two men at the Royal Court while expelling the useless female.

Similarly, any male subject who harbors dreams of doing it with two females, shall submit his crown jewels to the Crown to demonstrate on Her Majesty’s Person his ability and fitness to undertake such act.

Furthermore, any female subject of The Kingdom so inclined as to engage in any form of sekshial act over this here blog, shall get her fill by contacting “not anonymous” for a private session. Male persons with the same inclination are herewith urged to have a disinclination to have such inclination.

Her Majesty

2:15 PM, June 22, 2005  
Anonymous Yohannes said...

"Although it is not uncommon for Ethiopian men to hit their wives... "

so *that's* where i went wrong!
Thanks not anon for the link. i am sure the Goshu family thanks you too.

genniye, ethiopundit minim ayseralishim. yiliQunnu wede'naye gar tega beyie.

3:05 PM, June 22, 2005  
Anonymous ezra said...

Emebet Wonqqiye,

Please come back soon. The natives are getting restless. If you want me to come to France to get you, I'll fire up my horse.

Yancheew,
E-Z.

4:12 PM, June 22, 2005  
Anonymous Bezawerk said...

People,

I just came accross this blog and when I read the one about "what has happened to us that our expectations are so low about our leaders" (I paraphrase) I cried with joy. All the pent up frustration of the past 30 years unburdened. Thank you ET-Wonkette for this oasis of sanity. I have been arguing with the kind of people who say "Only 36 people died. If it was Mengistu he would have killed all of them." That's the state of mind we are in.

I am sssssooooooooooooo glad that there are others like me.

Newly Wonktified,

Beza G.

9:35 PM, June 22, 2005  
Blogger Marcellg said...

I love may vacations especially at Polaris World where I go to play a little golf and relax, I normally would not choose Spain but the area is nice and the people friendly.

7:22 AM, February 13, 2008  
Blogger belete said...

heloo, i missed that last one

7:22 AM, July 13, 2009  

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