EPRDF: The Gift That Keeps on Giving!

Oh Sweet Lord…

Sorry for my almost non-blog status today… And when there is so much going on too! Our esteemed Prime Minister’s interview… Bereket “only the elected can cause death” Simon’s precious gaffe #2,320… Jimmah’s sissy statement urging the Opposition for some damn restraint and changing of its wicked ways… Some whiny-ass Ethiopian billionaire commiserating about being maligned… so much, so much. But something else caught my eye today…Yet another gift from the EPRDF… and who am I to not accept a gift with graciousness?

Drum roll, please… this: you gotta see.

Ohhhh. You gotta love the EPRDF…those wiley, wascly wabbits! Fortunately for humanity, the dumber they get, the more hilarious they appear to be.

Feast your eyes on this baby: “Executive Committee of OPDO moves capital city to Finfinne"

Huh?

LOL. Plllleaaase, pleaaaseeee let this not be a joke. Plllleaseee, God, let the EPRDF do its thang in trying to “take back” Addis. Please, God? Allow us a little levity in these times of sorrow, cheru amlakachin..

Bad, ET Wonkette. Bad.

So anyway, here's the skinny:

The Executive Committee of the Oromo People Democratic Organization
(OPDO) has decided Finfinne or Addis Ababa to be the capital city of the
Oromia State.

Alrighty then! And why would they, in the middle of this crisis, in the middle of this pandemonium decide to, “Ehhhh, let’s move our shit to Addis…” Oh, wait, excuse me… Finfinne.

Can’t you imagine the meeting minutes?

Meeting log of the OPDO:
Friday, June 10, 2005
Presided Over by our Supreme Comrade.
Special Honored Observer: H.E. Meles Zenawi

“Fellow OPDO-ers. Welcome. We have a special guest today… none other than Our Most Exalted Leader, Prime Minister Meles Zenawi, who will serve as an observer at this meeting. Your Excellency, a few words before we start?”

“Thank you for having me, dear OPPOs…ODMOs… uff! OCLOs… Whatever the hell you are… Don’t mind me, I’m just here to observe, Go ahead."

“Thank you Your Excellency. Okay, comrades. Anything happening these days? What’s the news? Lay it on me, Big Daddy.”

“Well, there’s trouble in Addis Ababa.”

“You mean… Finfinne?”

“Yes, that. Sorry.”

“I move that we execute the comrade who said Addis Ababa.”

“Yes, I second that motion.”

“Sorry, Comrade. You’re toast. Remove him!”

“I will die for your and Oromia’s honor, my Comrade-in-Charge. Thank you, Comrade. Please tell my wife that I like her. And tell her I always knew that the middle child was not mine.”

“Take him away!”

-Scuffle-

“Now… back to business. Anything new happening?”

-Awkward silence-

“I said… anything new?”

“Err… there…I think there is some kind of trouble in Addi.. in Finfinne.”

“Trouble you say?”

“Yes. Trouble. I think some people died.”

“How many?”

“26..27..?”

“You, useless underling Comrade, are an amateur! And what makes you think that that is considered trouble?”

“Oh… nothing.”

-Awkward silence... continued-

“So… this trouble you speak of… tell us more...”

“Um… no… I would not call it trouble… it.. er…”

“You are stuttering, little comrade of no significance. You know how the Executive Committee hates stuttering.”

“Yes. Begging your forgiveness, your Comradeship. --cough!-- I will call it meaningless altercation.”

“AAhhhh. And what of this meaningless altercation that...?”

“The Opposition did it!”

“Of course they did. They love altercations. The more meaningless, the better. They hate peace. And we hate people who hate peace. Peace-hating has to be countered by the strong arm of the law.”

“You are right, Comrade of highest order. In fact in paragraph 7 of our .. er.. not constitution.. er.. our…”

“You mean our law thingy..”

“Yes, Comrade of Great Enormity ... our law thingy… Paragraph 7: “People who hate peace shall be accountable by a gunshot to the head.”

-Wistful silence.-

“That was beautiful. Who came up with that paragraph?”

“I… no, YOU did.”

“That’s why I am the Comrade of Comrades.”

“It is, our Most Exalted Comrade, Conquering Lion of Adama.”

“So, you are saying that the peace-hating ninnies at the CUD are causing mayhem in Addis Ababa?”

“Er.. in Finfinne.”

“That’s what I said.”

”You, um.. said .. Addis Ababa.”

“Take him away! He said the A word. Take him away! He is unsightly.”

“I shall lay myself underneath the wheels of your tank and let is crush me for your glory, for I have shamed you, Supreme Comrade. May my death be my salvation. Victory to the people!”

“Whatever. Take him away. My eyes are offended by his sight.”

-Scuffle-

“Now, what can we do about this mayhem caused by blood thirsty CUD hoodlums who are throwing rocks at poor, defenseless machine guns? Those animals! What kind of people throw rocks at unarmed machine guns?

“They are savages, your High Comradness, Elect of God.”

“Damn skippy they are. So what is the Executive Committee’s pleasure?”

“Well, they say that Finfinne is dangerous, and that it is a city under tension.”

“Tension-schemsion. Let’s go see what’s up.”

“But… your Commandership…”

(His Excellency Prime Minister Meles whispers in His Comradeness’ ears.)

“In fact, better idea… let’s move our capital there. None of that Adama crap.”

“Ahh,…but your Holy Comradeness...”

“No. No 'but'! It is a capital idea! Get it? Capital idea… ha.. ha…--sigh-- I am gifted with mirth. Hey, you… with a pen! Write this down.”

“Yes, sir, your Absolute Comradeness…”

“Let me think…"

(His Excellency Prime Minister Meles whispers in His Comradeness’ ears again.)

“ I got it… start writing, you… The Executive Committee of the Oromo People Democratic Organization (OPDO) has decided Finfinne or Addis Ababa to be the capital city of the Oromia State. How does that sound?”

“Like the sweet song of a satisfied canary regaling her Kingdom, your Commandership.”

“Is that perfect or is that perfect?”

“It is indeed perfect… Um… our constiu.. our Law Thinggy states we still have Adama as a capital.. but it’s nothing we can’t work out later.”

“Shut up and write... … though the state's constitution, amended in 2002 stipulates that Adama is the capital of the state, the new decision is made in accordance with the interest of the vast majority of the Oromo people who wanted Finfinne to be the seat of the Oromia state.”

“Your Commandership’s verbiage is like the nectar of the gods.”

“Uh-huh. Don’t think I came in 27th in 8th grade for nothing!”

“Of course. And of course we don’t have to state when we asked the Oromo people about their change of heart as to this new location…? It is a minor detail that should not disrupt the august mind of our Unquestionable Comrade.”

(His Excellency Prime Minister Meles whispers in His Comradeness’ ears... again.)

“Of course… of course… okay, pen boy… Shut up and write… The Organization has taken the new decision in keeping with the interest of the people, adding that the state government would make constitutional amendment to help facilitate the implementation of the decision."

“The only thing bigger than the size of His Comradness’s bulging muscles is the unmatched magnanimity of his heart.”

“Did you know that I was voted “Most kind guerrilla fighter 1973, 1974 and 1975?”

“You deserve much more. I am privileged to be in your presence, your Unrivaled Commandership. Your mellifluous reasoning transcends humanity.”

“Yes. I do have a lot of… mellifluous-ness.”

“If it pleases your Commandership, perhaps we can say that we have been, um doing studies… so that we don’t sound… well, you know how sensitive people are these days?”

(His Excellency Prime Minister Meles whispers in His Comradeness’ ear… one more time.)

“Yes… It does please my Comradeness. Okay, keep writing… It is recalled that the Addis Ababa Administration and the Ministry of Federal Affairs have conducted joint study over the past… year…

(His Excellency Prime Minister Meles whispers in His Comradeness’ ears... hey, PMM is cuuuute!)

“No, make that: have conducted joint study over the past two years to determine the special privileges and benefits of Oromia over Finfinne.”

“Your stewardship to the people is nothing short of divine, your Comradeship. Not even God cares for the people like you.”

“God should consult me about these things.”

“I will get a memo out to Him immediately, your Oh Consummate Comrade.”

“Qoi… atinqelqel…qelqala! I have a few more things to add… You still have ink in that pen?”

“My pen overfills with ink, your Comradeship, much like my reverence for your celestial wisdom.”

“Ennndessu. Write this… The Executive Committee of OPDO has decided to make moves towards the practical implementation of the study on the special privileges that the Oromia state has on Finfinne, it added. How’s that?”

“That statement, your Comradness, purely by the fact that it was birthed from your sanctified lips, itself is more privileged than what Finfinne can offer all of Oromia.”

“I like being in charge of the largest ethnicity in the country.”

“And it cherishes having you at the helm, Oh Venerated Leader, and it bows in front of you. If I may, Comrade of All Living Things, perhaps…you could mention the people here… so that they don’t get left out…”

(His Excellency Prime Minister Meles whispers in His Comradeness’ ears.. once more. oH, maybe not THAT cute... Not Hailu Shawel cute...)

“Ahem. Yes. I was going to! What kind of leader do you think I am?”

“Only the most adored one, my Comrade.”

“Write this… ahhh… The Executive Committee meanwhile called on the public to rally behind OPDO to maintain the democratic victory that was gained through elections as well as in further consolidating the ongoing development. Does that make sense?"

“It makes more sense than a wretch like me daring to breathe in your magnificent presence. It is beyond brilliant that you tied in the recent democracy into this decision. He who does not respect our move to Finfinne, does not respect our Democracy. And he who does not respect the democracy, must die. For it is written.”

“Hm. Do you have children?”

“Why yes. Yes, I do, your Comradeness-Beyond-Compare. I do. I have fruited three boys and seven girls…”

“Do any of them look like me?”

“If only, your High Comradeness. If only God would be that kind to a miserable sophist like me.”

“Yeah, well He’s busy, you know. Um… Your wife should come over for dinner. You can come along too…I suppose."

“Your Unequaled Comradship breathes life into my wilted soul.”

“Okay, let’s wrap this up… the people bla-bla-bla… the democracy… yadda-yadda-yadda… rule of law… yeah-yeah-yeah… CUD is a bloodthirsty, heretic, interhawme devil… yep-yep yep… got that covered...”

“This statement is the model of perfection, much like your Comaradeness. "

“Yeeeeahhhh, but it needs a little sum-sum at the end… a bang! A pow! A certain 'jay nice 'n kiw' as we used to say in France while we waited for Mister Jimmy Carter at the Paris Airport to show him our war plans. Remember that, Prime Minister? Good times! "

(His Excellency Prime Minister Meles whispers in His Comradeness’ … yawwwn!)

“I know! End with this … It said the elections have laid foundation for the development of a democratic system in the country in which the Oromo people and OPDO have come out victorious." Always end with The People yadda-yadda... they like that. "

“Your Exquisite Comradeness’ clarity and raison d'être has driven the angles in heaven to sing with unfettered elation ."

“Yeah? Well, they know a great leader when they see one. Okay… go distribute that. And.. um.. say hello to your wife.”

“She is your humble servant, as am I, your magnificentness. One day soon, the world shall know of your nobility and esteem,…”

“Whatever. Your Excellency, Prime Minister. Would you care to close this session?”

“Well… bewnetu kehone… I wish I had something… anything… even an iota to contribute to this great meeting, but Comrade here has done a great job. Good work Comrades! The OPNO… I mean.. the OCLP… the OKKO is doing a splendid job of respecting democracy.”

“Thank you, Your Excellency Prime Minister, for honoring us with your presence. Anything else? No? Nothing? Okay, let’s go, people. You, in that corner with the shifty eyes… get me a suite at the Sheraton Finnfine. I also need new business cards with our new Finfinne address.”

“Consider it done, Renowned Comrade.”

“Go, already!”

###

And so goes life under the EPRDF... How long before the Addis Ababa Administration (where ALL 23 seats were sweapt by the opposition) is dissolved? 3...2...1...