Hex, Lies and Videogames

Ah, the rat race. It is addictive and repugnant at the same time. As my deadline for a project slowly looms ahead of me, the only solace I find is in blogging a few words here and there. The thought of returning to our regularly scheduled Wonqville sustains me, but until then I am only good for a quickie blog-and-run. It’s great you guys are keeping Wonqville alive with your comments. Some of you should guest blog.

So it was reading some of the comments from the last blog that prompted me to call my now unwittingly famous uncle in Ethiopia to get a summary of what’s going on there. For those of you new to this blog, I have an uncle whose special talent is summarizing major world events in seven words or less.

With all due respect to deranged cyborg and Ethiopian government spokesperson Ato Bereket Simon and his wooly contention that:

It (the ban) was meant to give us the opportunity to get a cooling time for the
emotions. It seems that emotions have run out of steam now. The overall
situation has subsided…

...my uncle’s POV is that, “sewu indet indebeqaw bawequ.” (“They don’t know how much people have had enough.”… Have to start translating since, apparently, ferenjies have gotten passports to Wonqville.)


Incidentally, it must take some vigilance to completely debauch the English language the way Ato Bereket does with frightening ease. I mean, can’t he practice what he wants to say in front of, I dunno, he must have friends at the British Embassy. It just seems that he has stopped even trying to be comprehensible, lazily stitching together whatever tattered logic comes wafting through his mind. Inday! Ere benantot, Ato Bereket. I know you’ve uttered a lot of whacky things before, but, “…was meant to give us the opportunity to get a cooling time for the emotions”...?! You do realize that people actually understand English, Mr. Bereket? Be like our Prime Minister and make like a , um, “resound man.” (Do you have a sneaking feeling that the person who left that comment graduated from the Bereket School of Grammar and Malapropism? Hmmm… read it again.) In the future, Mr. Spokesperson for the second most populous country in Africa, abide by these simple rules: if you think it sounds cool, it probably isn’t. If you think it sounds logical, run away! And, please, can we leave metaphors to those who know what they are. Miskeen. I know you have a sucky job defending the EPRDF and its macabre policies. But, you can’t keep going around sounding like the village idiot. I’m just trying to help, Ato Bereket. You are representing my country after all, y’know.

I needs me a cooling time from the emotions.

Annnniiiiyyyywaaaay!

So,

It (the ban) was meant to give us the opportunity to get a cooling time for the
emotions. It seems that emotions have run out of steam now. The overall
situation has subsided…

I know Ato Bereket and Frankenstein-y Prime Minister Meles do not venture out much outside their Bat Caves, but perhaps they should send some cadres (um, the unarmed, non-killing machine kind, if they have any) out into Ethiopia to gauge if people’s steam has run out. For normal human beings, and again, please find some to confirm this, the pissed off feeling we get when we are lied to and killed… not so much dissipates with time, but it in fact calcifies. Look into it, Atos Meles and Bereket, when you take a break from your two most favorite activities: constructing ridiculous non-sequiturs and, what’s that thing called when you snuff a life… homicide.

Only incorrigible and hopelessly disengaged emperors would think that people will forget atrocity because they were banned from demonstrating for a couple of months. The EPRDF should have its own reality show because God knows, its reality check has bounced. “The overall situation has subsided”?? Which situation would that be? The vote-rigging situation or the killing of unarmed people situation, ‘coz both are very fresh in my mind.
According to uncle SOL: “Yaletemare gedelen.” (Um. Ferenjies are SOL about that translation…)

The EPRDF's wishful thinking that people won't remember its intolerable cruelty if it drags out the process just enough until eventually people throw up their hands in the air exclaim, "Eh, election schmlection, let's call the whole thing off" exhibits its fundamental misunderstanding of how much it is reviled in Ethiopia. Ethiopia changed on May 15, Mr. Prime Minister, and while you are busy trying to reseal the lid, people are saying your time is up. How the EPRDF lost the opportunity to leave office with a modicum of grace is something political textbooks shall be written on.

The EPRDF's hallucination and removal from reality reminds me of a line in Mel Brook’s “History of the World, Part 1.” In the twilight of the French Revolution, there is a scene between Louis XVI and his hapless mignon.

“But, Sire, the people are revolting.”
“Yes, they are quite disgusting.”

Or something like that… or am I mistaking it with “The Life of Brian”? But you get the point: so clueless about the fact that people have had enough of the EPRDF’s puerile delusion about democracy and its extraordinary malice and very adult vindictiveness. But severely underestimating the will of the people is a sure sign of a government that’s levitating to its certain death. The EPRDF, like an irascible old man, learns lessons slowly. Remember a few short months back when it told us that it um, had won the elections “by a landslide”? This after having its behind handed to it after all the bluster about how much the people love Revolutionary Democracy? Ah, well. It’s good the EPRDF keeps underestimating its opponents.

But back to Ato Bereket, a face that couldn’t launch a thousand paper boats.

He indicated demonstrations would be allowed provided procedures were followed
and local authorities consented.

"You go to the respective government authority that gives you the permit for demonstrations regarding the time and place and that will be left for the respective government office so that procedure is there," he said.

Ah. Rigging votes… such time consuming endeavor. Leaves no time for logic.

Anyway, wade through that tortured sentence and its labyrinth of bullshit and here’s what it means: there ain’t gonna be no demonstrations. Which dim-witted, robot EPRDF lackey/guv’ment authority do you think will grant the opposition any kind of permit to hold demonstrations? Oh, please. And even if such permit was given, the EPRDF would "appeal" it right before it repeals it. By now, the EPRDF has become painfully predictable. Demonstrations, ha! PM Meles has a better chance of sauntering through the Pearly Gates armed with an AK-47.
Speaking of sacrilege,

Bereket contested accounts by hospital officials that 36 people were killed in
the June 8 violence, saying the real toll was 26.

If that is not the government of Ato Meles giving bad taste a good name, then I don’t know what is. Do they think that admitting to killing 26 people instead of 36 makes them better people? Were I in an advice-giving mood, I’d tell them that such statements make them look like lunatic, ghoulish heathens, but, really, who has the energy? Seriously, isn’t there one sane EPRDF-er who can tell Ato Meles and Ato Bereket that they are sounding more and more undignified with each word they utter? (Poor Stephan Sacker of the BBC. Did you note his incredulity when Ato Meles casually dropped the bombshell that investigations into the killings of the 36 people has yet to start? Oh, Steve-o. Your eyebrows so rose up and arched in horror when the Prime Minister said that he would take his time even opening inquiries into the deaths. Such is the value Tony Blair’s best African friend has for human life. We have the videotape to remind us.)

Another entity that Prime Minister Meles holds dear, almost as dear as human life, is democracy and people’s right to express themselves without being, um, shot at. No, that's not right. They have the right to demonstrate, it's just that the government also has the right to kill them. I keep forgetting how magnanimous that Prime Minister of ours is.

Meles has said he had renewed the ban, which gives him personal control of
security in the city, because the opposition had tried to overthrow what he
called the constitutional order.

And how did they do that? By participating in elections? But of course, silly.

By the way, can someone tell me why a ban on demonstrations was necessary? Okay, don’t tell me. Just remind me what the prime minister had said when he officially banned demonstrations on Monday, May 16, the day after the elections, which was exactly when the EPRDF was claiming victory. What was the reason he gave, again?

Well, that’s a little complicated. Here is what he said then:

"I have heard the comments of the foreign observers and the elections were
peaceful and democratic," Mr. Meles said in an address on state radio.

Whatever. So that would mean everything was copasetic. No need for any infringement on people’s, um, democratic right to gather in peace. Or is there?

"As peace should be respected within the city and its environs, the government
has decided to bring all the security forces, the police and the local militias,
under one command accountable to the prime minister," he said.

Hm. It’s always trouble when they start referring to themselves in the third person. “The prime minister would like to order steak and fries. The prime minister would like the steak rare, just like the prime minister’s brain development.”

Outdoor public gatherings in Addis Ababa were banned "to ensure a
violence-free and peaceful atmosphere", he added.

What am I missing? If everything was hunky-dory and it was the prime minister’s assertion that all was “peaceful and democratic”… then why ban demonstrations? To what? “To ensure a violence-free and peaceful atmosphere?” But, according the prime minister himself, there WAS a "peaceful and democratic atmosphere" awreddi! What the...?

Wait a minute. I know Ato Meles thinks we are all stupid, but.. okay, so chief EU election observer/dominatrix Ana Gomes said that “The situation is one of calm." Okkkay. So, again, why was it necessary to ban demonstrations? When things are peaceful you have to ban demonstrations to ensure that they remain peaceful?? And why ban them in Addis when the EPRDF knew that it was soundly defeated? And by the way, not that we depend on your word for anything, Mr. Prime Minister, but what the hell happened to your lousy “assurance” that banning demonstrations would result in peace, because on June 8 you sure let us down.

So, the real reason, Mr. Prime Minister, for banning demonstrations? Say it, Mr. Prime Minister. Say it loud, say it proud! You were scared shitless. It wasn’t to keep the peace, nor was it “meant to give us the opportunity to get a cooling time for the emotions” (a cooling time, singular? We only needed one, apparently.) It was because you realized you were getting a spanking (the kind you don’t enjoy) and you panicked. Perhaps you can instruct your patsy, English language hater spokesperson Ato Bereket to start clearing his statements with you?

A little “for the record” here. We should remember that:

Mr. Meles said he would accept an opposition victory if this was confirmed by
international observers.

Ah, words that may just come back to haunt his prime ministership.

But back to the babbling brook that is Bereket Simon.

Bereket said he believed the opposition still generally favoured what he called
a violent way of politics but it could not carry this out because ordinary
people were content to let the probe into poll fraud take its course.

"It is my opinion that they have not shown us an earnest, fundamental departure from their violent way of conducting politics," he said.

First off, how many “ordinary people” do you think that Ato Bereket knows exactly? Ordinary people as in sane people. Yeah, ordinary people would wait for the unfolding of the truth. It’s you we are worried about, Ato Bereket… you and your “we only killed 26 people” kinda people. We’d ask you for assurances that you know ordinary people, but, y’know, you and your boss don’t have much of a track record there. Allow us skepticism. Better yet, allow us to accept your proclamations “in principle.”

Secondly, regarding “the opposition still favored what he called a violent way of politics”… and that they have not “showed us an earnest, fundamental departure from their violent way of conducting politics…”

You are right, Mr. EPRDF spokesperson. I mean, how can you trust an entity that keeps on claiming that its opposition is ready to unleash a Rwandan-style genocide on the country when it KNOWS it’s a bogus claim? And, you are right. Any dufuss that guns down unarmed people in the name of the law--- frrreeeakkky! And of course, any outfit that has a knack for capricious mass arrests and torture…? Definitely has not departed from a violent way of, um, conducting politics. Oh, and don’t forget, anyone in the process of stealing votes, puulease! SO favors a violent way of politics.

When you are right, oh Prince of Darkness, you are right. Now guess who we don’t trust to go through the democratic process? You, or the opposition? Who killed the 36 people? You or Beyene Petros? Who threw people in jail-- nearly 4,000 people? Merara Gudina? And who has denied the opposition access to state controlled media and keeps arresting opposition members? Oh, that Hailu Shawel! Ever since he was holed up in his home with his wife and maid he has been upto no good. No good at all.

Seriously, what can you say about the EPRDF? What potency of a Prozac/Lithium cocktail do you need to kill people and then have the balls to accuse some other entity of being violent? It would have been cute if people had not actually died in this farce. I had proclaimed that the EPRDF was no longer an administration that it was a regime. Now I can argue that it is a cult.

Oh, hell. Baghdad Bereket is till talking.

"Addis is for sure in the hands of the opposition, the rest of the country is
for sure in the hands of the EPRDF, so this is a basis for people to
understand the situation," Bereket said. "I don't think that people expect a
much different result from the investigations."

Er, the situation? And what basis to understand which situation? Y'know, Ato Bereket, just because you say stuff, doesn't make it true. Just because you will them, the votes won't magically materialize. You have to work hard at stuffing ballots for that.

So, here’s a situation: actually, Darth, and please don’t think I am being anal here, but people DO expect a much different result. You know why? Because the results ARE much different than the, um, current situation. I know it’s simply not done in EPRDF circles, but we need to face facts. Statistically speaking, the EPRDF has lost the elections. (Where would we be without Dagmawi? Between him and ethiopundit… mmmm…. Shh! Bad WonqeTTe… You are a happily married woman.) But numbers do not lie. Psychopathic murderers who will do anything to cling to power, on the other hand… not so much enamored by the glaring truth.

So, “the situation”, Mr. Grand Wizard, is how is the EPRDF going to get away with stealing the votes. Yeah, yeah, you think that people have lost steam. Good luck if that’s what you are depending on, although you have little option otherwise. You could always kill some more people, and you probably will, but right now you have to deal with the world watching as you expose yourself to be the power bogart-ing, murderous crazies that you are. What to do, what to do? To kill or not to kill? Apparently, that has never been a question for the EPRDF.

More importantly, you will notice how Ato Bereket’s lame-ass lie “rest of the country is for sure in the hands of the EPRDF” rolls off his tongue with ease. Oh, brother. Let’s see… are major cities in Ethiopia still considered “the rest of the country”, because if they are, we gots a little trouble.

So, some of the most populous cities in Ethiopia, how “in the EPRDF’s hands" are they? (Results from the beleaguered National Election Board of Ethiopia- NEBE.)

Dire Dawa: Constituency 1: (population: 208,700)

Ato Dereje Debebe We/Mariam , CUD- 60.85 %

Ato Mohammed Abidulahi Ahimed, EPRDF (OPDO)- 30.56 %

Ouch.

Dire Dawa Constituency 2:

Ato Mohammed Yusuf Umer, SPDP, 46.62 %
Ato Birihanu Kenaw Gelet, CUD, 33.67 %

I’ll take Adama for 100, please Alex. (Also known as Nazret before the OPDO got in on the game and found a way to make itself relevant: changing names of cities, it’s biggest achievement yet. Population: 161,800.)

Ato Atenafu Tenagn Tilahun, CUD, 67.74 %
Ato Ashebire W/Emanual Biru, EPRDF (OPDO), 16.67 %

No wonder they want to move the capital of Oromia to Addis Ababa/Finfine! 67 to 16 percent! Maybe the Addis air will take the sting out of that result.

What must the EPRDF do to win a major city in Ethiopia… besides killing the opposition?

Gonder (Population: 142,100) Ketema 1:

Ato Lioul Kesiks Astatike, CUD--- 64.49 %
W/ro Beletu Zelek Merisha, EPRDF (ANDM)-26.70 %

Hmm. Let’s try Gonder Ketema 2:

Ato Siyoum Mamo Datite, CUD- 72.33 %
Ato Tesema G/Hiwot Engida, EPRDF (ANDM), 24.15 %

This must be waaaay bumming the EPRDF.

Dessie, that lovely Dessie… (Population: 123,300)

Ato Muhammed Ali Muhammed, CUD, 80.78 %
Ato Kedir Muhammed Ahimed, EPRDF (ANDM), 15.65 %

Boo-yahh!

Bahir Dar (Population: 121,700)

Ato Abayneh Brihanu Bellay, CUD- 80.76 %
Ato Mullat Gezahegne Wolde, EPRDF (ANDM)- 13.71%

I ain’t no statistic wonkette, but I sense a trend.

Jima: (Population:112,500)
Major Asirat Tekalgn Balcha, UEDF- 83.64 %
W/ro Asinakech Kebede Feysa, EPRDF (OPDO)- 14.11 %

Uh-oh. “Rest of the country” seems not so crazy about the EPRDF.

The only major city the EPRDF was able to win was in Meqelle.

Meqelle (Population 122, 700)
Ambasader D/r Adisalem Balema Abay, EPRDF (TPLF), 94.95 %
Ato Getahun Abay Tegegn, CUD 2.45 %

Shoot. Who can win against an “Ambassador/Dr.”?

Other major cities…
Debre Brhan:

Ato Belayhun Zemedhun Kabebewu, CUD-76.11 %

W/ro Beletshachew Agzew Dres-EPRDF (ANDM)-18.21 %

Double ouch.

Ambo 1:

Ato W/Yesus Mengesha G/Yohanes, UEDF- 73.18 %
W/ro Ararise Dabela Mirekana, EPRDF (OPDO)-17.84 %

No, seriously…

Ambo 2:

Dr. Merara Gudina Jefi, UEDF - 83.74 %
Ato Taye Uma Dendessa, EPRDF (OPDO)- 16.97 %

Now that is a bitch slap if I ever seen one.

Sodo:

Ato Legesse Biratu Retebo, CUD- 70.02 %
D/r Kasu Yilala Ashami, EPRDF (SEPDM)- 30.37 %

Grizzly.

Dare we go to Shashamene?

Ato Hamado Hami Wakayo,UEDF, 71.13 %
Ato Tafese Jula Goracha, EPRDF (OPDO) 22.57 %

Arba Mnch:

Ato Kifile H/Mariam Kocha, CUD, 56.17 %
Ato Getachew Hamussa H/Mariam, EPRDF (SEPDM), 36.50 %

56 to 36! Phew. That was close!

Nekemt:

Corneal [sic]Birhanu Tesema Temocho, UEDF, 47.23 %
W/ro Genet Berkesa Feysa, EPRDF (OPDO), 30.58 %

Assela:

Ato Abidulkadr Dkisiso Bedasol, CUD, 50.69 %
Ato Jemal Aley Sima, EPRDF (OPDO), 24.57 %

So, after this small sampling, which statement is true, more true or very true?

a) “the rest of the country is in the hands of the EPRDF”
b) “the rest of the country thinks the EPRDF sucks” or,
c) “Ato Bereket’s pants are on fire”?

The EPRDF has lost (and lost badly) in nearly all major cities in Ethiopia. Going back to Ato Bereket’s web o’ lies (over a Billion served):

“Addis is for sure in the hands of the opposition, the rest of the country is
for sure in the hands of the EPRDF”

Eh, not so much. So, Ato Bereket, maybe we can depend on your good senses to admit that statement was a boldfaced lie the next time you see fit to obfuscate? No, we can’t? Oh, well. We tried. It is a good thing that facts don't mean anything to the EPRDF, 'coz it sure won't like the fact that the "rest of the country" is not in its hands. Not that it did not know that the rest of the country was not in its hands, but, y'know... lying about it is so much easier.

Oh, by the way, the EPRDF must be contesting Ato Bereket’s rather embarrassing parliamentary loss 'coz the NEBE website doesn’t have the election results of that seat anymore. Do what you can for your boy, NEBE. You know how murderous he can get when he doesn’t get his way.

So, what kind of government loses nearly all major cities in a nation? The EPRDF kind of government, that's who. And what’s more, it has lost most of the countryside as well, and if it were not for some terrible ballot box stuffing, none would be wiser.

So, Mr. And Mrs. EPRDF, grow up! Grow the hell up.

What will be the final verdict of the EU? Eventually, it will have to declare the Ethiopian elections either free and fair or not so free and fair. My guess is that it will abstain from making a declaration (citing something terribly lame like not having a mandate for any post-election observances), or it might give a lukewarm “whatever!” in favor of the EPRDF. In doing so, it takes away Mr. Meles’ bragging rights for holding a free and fair elections by “any standards.” But the EU will mar its status as one of the most respected elections observing institutions the world can depend on. (By the way, can the next interviewer please ask Ato Meles why he kicked out the American observers? And, please. Let him not pussyfoot with the "they did not have permits" bullcrap. We are grown ups.)

Remember the “confidential memo” the EU leaked to the AP? It was the hex on Ato Meles’ glib assertions that he made democracy happen.

The confidential report said the EU might have to make a public denunciation of
developments to distance itself from "the lack of transparency, and assumed
rigging" of the vote.

"Ten days after the polling day, the situation is of political uncertainty and
informational chaos regarding the results of the election," said the
confidential report.

"The National Electoral Board does not seem to be in control of the counting
operation by the constituency electoral committees and limits itself to
passively receive the reports from a limited number of constituencies."

Assumed rigging? Them is fightin’ words.

The EU report also said U.S. President Jimmy Carter, who led a team of 50
election observers, undermined the electoral process and EU criticism with "his
premature blessing of the elections and early positive assessment of the
results."

Unless there is a "drastic reverse toward good democratic practice" the observer
team and EU "will have to publicly denounce the situation.

"Otherwise, the EU jointly with ex-president Carter will be held largely
responsible for the lack of transparency, and assumed rigging, of the
elections."

The behavior of the EPRDF in the post election days has not been, even by, say, Robert Mugabe’s threadbare standards, a “drastic reverse towards good democratic practice.” I might be wrong about this, but unless the EU considers murder, mass imprisonments and denying the opposition any time on state owned media a “drastic reverse towards good democratic practice”, it will declare these anything but free and fair elections. We will hold it to its word and wait for the public denouncing to commence... annnny day now.

Meanwhile, on a seemingly unrelated but potentially very "nail in the coffin" matter, the UN Security Council is pressuring Ato Meles to accept that pesky border ruling he agreed would be “final and binding”. Hm. Didn’t he sign some kind of peace treaty with his “we were pals when we were guerillas” foe-turned-pal-turned-foe and fellow sociopath Ato Isayas Afewerqi? Whatever happened to that agreement? Oh, Ato Meles reneged on his word? I am shocked, shocked. It’s going to be interesting to see what Tony Blair says about his friend’s reliably blatant disregard for things he signed up for. It is also going to be interesting to see how Ato Meles responds to this pressure.Will he declare Badme no longer Ethiopian? That's gonna be sticky. Remember the Prime Minister’s empty bravado, “If Badme goes, I go”? Or will be continue ignorning the international community eventually royally pissing off the most earnest amongst them?

Ah, Mr. Meles' word. If only it was worth the paper it is written on.

Mr. Meles said he would accept an opposition victory if this was confirmed by
international observers.

Yeah, right.

In memory of those who died in London; and for Londoners who are defiantly going on.