And the First "STFU" Award Goes to...

Whenever I read headlines like “UN envoy slams donors over lack of aid to Africa” I hold my breath and look up to the heavens and whisper, “Which UN envoy? Please, please, please… not… not… not…”

"The capacity in the world to let people die is really amazing and we know that 8 to 10 million people are dying every year because they are too poor to stay alive," said…

No, please, no…

said Jeffrey Sachs, special adviser to U.N. Secretary-General Kofi Annan.

Goddammit!

Yes, our pal, our buddy Jeffrey is outraged, I tell you. Outraged. And why is Jeffrey Sachs outraged? Aw, c’mon. What else outrages Jeffrey Sachs?

"One would think the world would stand up and do something to help with a far greater sense of urgency ... but the fact is that it hasn't," he told a news conference in Nairobi.

Oh brother. No wonder his friend Prime Minister Meles keeps blaming the west for not doing enough to feed Ethiopians. February 2003 anyone?

We are not out of the woods yet. Quite a bit of the required food assistance has been pledged, but it’s not been arriving in time. Perhaps, more importantly, the total requirement for food aid is nowhere close to being fulfilled. Up to now, we have succeeded in avoiding mass deaths. But the expectation now amongst the donor representatives in Addis Abeba is that unless there is a rekindling of interest and shortfalls are covered we may run out of food by June, and that would be a very dangerous time because that will be the rainy season and it will be difficult to transport food to the rural areas even if it arrives.

(For more on EPRDF strategies on guilt tripping the west into donating food, see a seriously bloated blog, How to Lose a Leader in 14 Years. My, I am verbose.)

Professor Sachs adds a little twist to his standard sanctimonious harangue.

"The finances in Africa are so extraordinarily tight, the challenges on the ground of climate variability, drought risk, and soil nutrient depletion are so high that these problems cannot be solved by these countries themselves," Sachs said.

Here’s a newsflash to Monsieur Sachs… yes they can. Seriously. I know you don’t think so, Professor Sachs, and ultimately your job is made infinitely easier if you just blame the west before moving on to the next conference, but what Africa lacks is not money. How much has the west poured into, let’s say, Ethiopia again? And why is Ethiopia poorer than ever? If the glove don’t fit, Professor, perhaps we should get a different glove instead of excoriating people for not helping you pull up the glove.

There is exactly zero reason why Ethiopia should not feed itself. There is land. There are able people. But Professor Sachs has friends in high places who prefer ferenjies feed their people while they attend to more expedient matters such as covering up rigged elections and reigning terror on those who dared stand up and say “enough!”—or the “imperial revanchists”, as Professor Sachs refers to them.

[Sachs] said people often blamed African governments for mishandling funding, but stressed the amount given to Africa to deal with practical projects such as agriculture production was insignificant.

Africa, according to the magnificently ineffective African Union, loses $150bn a year to corruption. Would that be considered “mishandling funds”? Or is $150 billion now considered “extraordinarily tight” finance?

Therefore, with sappy muzak playing in the background, with a soft lens capturing the scene, with virgins sprinkling rose petals at his feet, we proudly announce on this ninth day of the month January, in the year 2006 that Professor Jeffrey Sachs, Director of the Earth Institute and UN Special Envoy has been awarded Wonqville’s first ever “Shut the Fuck Up Award.” May he shut the fuck up.

On more important matters:

Yeqolotemari at Aqumada says brilliantly what I have been fuming about for the past 10 years in my exile from attending Ethiopian concerts. Party in Hell speaks to so many of us.

Tsegasaurus’ Top Ten EPRDF solutions to ‘No Humvee for you!’ is an instant classic.

Andrew at Mesqel Square is back in Addis, thank God. He quotes from a Fortune article of how the EPRDF is trying to prove that a 14-year-old kid accused of genocide is… really 16-years-old.