The Meles Zenawi Diaries- Exclusive!
Anyway. But won’t diaries written in solitary confinement in four-by-four meter cells make for some good reading once Prime Minister Meles settles in in the mansion next to Mengistu in the sprawling suburbs of
So I was thinking about all of that when…
The now famous “Wonqville (on) crack” research team informed me that it has managed to get a copy of a diary being written by none other than our fearless leader, Prime Minister Meles Zenawi, who has resorted to more modern means of augmenting the way he deals with stress that go beyond giving orders to shoot unarmed citizens. Ah, the burdens of Renaissance Men. How do they do it?
Here’s a juicy entry dated
As I have been telling you for the past three weeks, like all great leaders I am misunderstood and unappreciated during my time. In 20 years, when I head the World Bank’s “Office of What do we do with former despots”, people will finally realize the wisdom with which I led
By the way, it is vexing that other African countries are mimicking my tactics without giving me proper credit. Thieves, all of them. Museveni finally came to his senses and arrested that anti-peace opposition traitor Kizza Besigye and charged him with treason and terrorism.
And it took those incompetents in
Been there. Bought the t-shirt. Except my friend Jimmy Carter endorsed my ban on demonstrations.
I give and give. People take and take. Not even one lousy thank you.
But I have moved on to bigger things.
Now that I have brought democracy to
Frankly speaking, I am very disturbed by what is happening in the U.S. of A. Once a great nation, it is quickly declining in stature. Since my talents are wasted in
There are certain things that need tweaking in the American democracy.
For example, President Bush has yet- and it’s been nearly two years now- to arrest John Kerry and charge him with treason. I know there is a war and such, but really! For a country that claims to be civilized... This is a travesty. Mr. Kerry had very clearly tried to overthrow the Bush administration. He even said it! Yet he is allowed to roam free. It besmirches democrats like me who are working extra hard for a safer world. So the good Mr. Kerry (between you and me, Dear Diary, I think he is on the take from Ethiopians in the diaspora, just like a certain self-appointed viceroy whose name I won’t mention because it will sully the sanctity of this entry) is free to keep challenging Mr. Bush. This will be unacceptable in the new world.
Also, in my research for the manifesto I was shocked to find out that the
I think the
The US State Department has accurately said, “Trade barriers favored party-owned businesses.” I thank the State Department for recognizing us for that effort. Perhaps we can start dialogue on how to “fold” Wal-Mart under the
So, one of the suggestions I will be making in the manifesto is for similar streamlining in the
But the biggest hurdle facing the US of A in the new millennium is that is has yet to embrace “ethnic federation.” This will be the cause of the U.S. of A’s eventual downfall. Its antiquated congress/senate paradigm is as obsolete as the Geneva Conventions and as archaic as “separate branches of government.” It’s disturbing but so far there is no evidence indicating that it is willing to rectify this anomaly.
I worry. I worry that if the U. S of A does not look into re-structuralizing its government it will soon be the
So, it is in this vein that I have structured a system that has worked for
As I said back in June,
"As the opposition knows they cannot win the elections, they are now preaching anti-peace and anti-harmony among people and (promoting) ethnic hatred. The government is ready to break this tendency by using administrative means.”
Now you tell me that was not brilliant. You see, I called it “administrative means.” And then I capped it with this salient conclusion/comparative brilliance:
When the Interahamwe of Rwanda preached hatred among people, the end result was, as everyone knows, devastating. Ethiopian opposition is following the same trend to create havoc and hatred among people by agitating fabricated agendas.
That statement will one day be emblazoned on t-shirts and giant coffee mugs everywhere.
I have explained time and time again that identifying with the type of blood that runs in your veins is the best way to forward economic prosperity. Oh, sure. My detractors, including the ones I have taken, um, administrative measures on, have tried to denigrate my policy, calling it tribalism and
I thank my friend Harold Marcus (may his soul be blessed) for taking notes at a special meeting I called in Washington on October 20, 1995, bringing together the who’s-who of American Ethiopianists (though Donald Levine is dead to me now). If I may quote from Professor Marcus’ notes:
Annette Scheckler inquired about the ideological basis of
Meles clarified that the ethnic basis of
I am humbled but gratefully shocked that I was endowed with this much wisdom even in the 90s.
But enough about me. Back to the US of A. Although it is a thankless job, I took it upon myself to draw this map of the future
I drafted this map on a paper napkin while I was getting lectured by Tony Blair about how I was embarrassing him, so it’s still in the early stages. As soon as Bereket Simon returns from some seminar I sent him to so he can pretend he is gainfully employed, I will have him put it on Photoshop. Anyway, compare it with the Regional map of Ethiopia.
Pretty nifty, eh?
I will have to leave now. Dear Diary, I wish the world was like you. I can do whatever I want with you and you just accept and love me. How I do cherish you.
Next time I will draft the speech I will be giving when I accept the Nobel Peace Prize. Oh mark my words I will get the peace prize. “By any administrative means necessary!”
Until the next opportunity arises where I have a moment to think clearly,
Hmm. Hope the on crack research team gets hold of more of these diaries. By the way, ran into this verrrry interesting article Addis Fortune published way back in