Wonqville Classified Ads
Not that I have any business helping out Prime Minister Meles, but I figure he’s busy these days packing and attending to every-day details such as how many people to imprison in the name of upholding Ethiopia’s constitution. A despot’s work is never done. Besides, I am sure his PR machinery, ineptly led by Bereket “Darth Vader” Simon, is working overtime these days trying to keep the ferenjies from getting amnesia—“Meles who?”
So, in the spirit of expediting the good Prime Minister’s hightailing to Zimbabwe-like destinations, here is a draft of the classified ad he will want to run once he realizes Ethiopia is no longer hospitable to his… democracy.
No. Please. You’re welcome.
Modern Day Machiavellian Looking for Paradise “Retreat”
One of Africa’s “most enlightened leaders” seeking new place to call home.
After introducing a new brand of democracy to one ancient but deserving country, this award-winning enlightened leader is looking to…retire in style.
Accommodation must be large enough to lodge large entourage of fawning underlings
Environment must be devoid of reality and hostile to coherent thought process of any kind
Premium security (“fortified fortress”) and high secrecy a must. Will provide own private army trained in drop-kicking bystanders
Neighbors must not mind occasional rounds of AK-47s ringing through the pristine air
Must allow pets and/or Ministers of Information
Host state must guarantee non-extradition (will pay extra)
Will be available for the lecture circuit: “How to get the West to feed your people”
Host state’s political milieu and government-owned media must accommodate occasional, bellicose tempter tantrums geared towards “enlightening” and “educating” the unwashed masses
Enlightened leader also willing to trade considerable “vote counting” talents for access to Tina Turner CDs
Host country must have experience hosting previous, um, strong-minded African leaders who have been moved to seek a new home because they were unappreciated by an ingrate population who just can’t seem to comprehend the enlightened leader’s wisdom, democratic inclinations and overall paternal love—bastards, one and all!
Jimmy Carter- best friend and long-time admirer
Jeffrey Sachs- world-renowned economist and bone fide groupie
Tony Blair- non-judgmental friend and generous funder
The entire AU- most effective organization Africa has had
Robert Mugabe- friend and fellow misunderstood autocrat
Mengistu Haile Mariam- fellow champion of “emerging democracies”
Interested states please contact Menelik Palace, West Wing, Addis Abeba. Please keep all inquires confidential. Money no object.