To Blog is Human, To Parody Divine

Two superb biting satires I’d like to bring to your attention:

what we did at the parliament (by Right Said Meles) at Egoportal, and

Deep Thoughts at Aqumada

EPRDF!
Huh!
What is it good for?
Abbzolutlee nothing!

Except being lampooned.

Unfortunate Typos of the Week:

Aiga: “Fortunately Anna Gomez and her report were not to be heard, thanks to the Prime Minister’s slum dunk exposé that outlined the contradiction…”

Walta Disinformation Center: “The intelligentsia – A masquarade”

I told you. Ever since our friend Ato Bereket left the Ministry of Information for a pro-demotion to “Public Relations Advisor to the Prime Minister” (it’s a ministerial position, thank you for asking, that might/might not entail being the prime minister’s personal beeyotch) things have categorically gone downhill.

Further evidence:

The, um, self-appointed EU Parliament came up with these bits of colonial viceroyish advice for the EPRDF and Ato Meles. Among the ultra-viceroyity points is this piece of uber viceroilty:

Calls on the government also to respect the fundamental principles of the constitution, especially fundamental freedoms and human rights;

All of Wonqville convulsed with anticipation… soon, very soon, a serialized 20,980-word tsunami will surely engulf the Ethiopian Herald, each magnificently vapid phrase beautifully crafted by the prime minister himself. Hunker down in the pleasure dome, boys and girls, this is gonna be…

Alas, no. The most the Ethiopian government was able to spit out was a sulky two-paragraph retort. Yeah, it was still intractably self-righteous and insolent… but it was disappointingly sans that certain … Melesesque joie de vivre the prime minister reigns on humanity whenever he is poked with a sharp stick.

The statement issued by the parliament of the European Union on the 13th of Oct. 2005 is regrettably based on the discredited report of Ana Gomez, Chief Observer of the EU EOM, and is a continuum of vilification campaign started by her.

Hm. Discredited? “Continuum of vilification” (what is that?)?

Yes, ladies and gentlemen, the Ethiopian government’s entire response to the EU Parliament is… Ana Gomes sucks. Oh, and the EUP’s resolution is solely based on her wicked vilification and not on … say, the EPRDF’s douchebaggery-ness.

And here’s a sampling of what the EPRDF thinks is vilification:

Welcomes the opening of the dialogue between the government and the opposition on 2 October, and hopes that it will continue and be successfully concluded;

Dialogue? That’s the new “c” word in Ethiopia.

Welcomes the opposition’s commitment to working in the constitutional framework without resorting to violence;

What the hell kind of political organization does not resort to violence? It is positively undemocratic, unconstitutional, unacceptable. Unspeakably so.

Calls on the government to guarantee opposition access to the media, as was made available in the run-up to the 15 May election;

This is the worst kind of vilification!

Calls on all political parties to work towards a political solution that will secure the parliament’s democratic prerogatives and establish stable government that will last;

No you did’n go there, EU Parliament!

I’ve said it before and I will say it again: Ana is sharpening her nails as we speak. Duck!

The EPRDF ends this teaser of a response with a vague semi-flaccid anticlimax:

The Ethiopian Government believes that it is high time for the European Union Parliament to honestly assess the objective realities in Ethiopia and refrain from such vilification campaigns, which do not in any way contribute to the democratization process in Ethiopia.

Yes. If there is an area the Ethiopian government needs no help in is in diligently not contributing to the democratization process. So please, EU Parliament… peddle your viceroyness somewhere else.

I am, however, intrigued by the recommendation that the EU “honestly assess the objective realities in Ethiopia.” Whatever could that mean? Surely, it’s not one of those masked threats? Something like, “You better back off, oh ye sodomite viceroits, lest we unleash carnage on the people you are responsible for feeding! Remember, we are the stabilizing force in the Horn, and a partner in the War Against Terror. Don’t make us kill our own people, because we will… ?

Nah.

What are the “objective realities in Ethiopia” these days anyway?

So you see what I mean… no dismal pop culture references, no low-watt slurs, not even one dinky, existential “what would the peasant do” reference.

I am hurt.

Well, here’s hoping that the new Minister of Information will speed read through the “Bereket Simon Guide to Speaking Melesocracy, Version 5.” We can’t be treated this way.

If you are at all curious, here is Walta Disinformation Center’s complete list of ministers, with each one’s gender and, um, ethnic background. I wish they’d do that in the States:

• Secretary Elaine Chao, Department of Labor, F, Asian-American

• Attorney General Alberto Gonzales, Department of Justice, M, One of them Hispanicky-Americans

• Secretary Gale Norton, Department of Labor, F, WASP

• Secretary Condoleezza Rice, Department of State, F, Afro-American (the civilized kind)

• Secretary Michael O. Leavitt, Department of Health and Human Services, M, Half-German-half-Swedish-American (but looks like a Texan!)

• Secretary Donald Rumsfeld, Department of Defense, M, talks like an American-American, drinks like an Irish-American.

• Secretary Michael Chertoff, Department of Homeland Security, M, has some “Stan” background—Uzbekistan/Afghanistan/MniTissiyo-stan

Now that the EPRDF has plunked Debebe Eshetu, famous Ethiopian dramatist and CUD public relations sage in the clinker, perhaps he can be talked into tutoring Ato Meles’ apparatchiks on Diplomacy 101 and Ityopiyawi CHewinet.