Tuesday, September 27, 2005

How to know you support the EPRDF.

These are trying times for Ethiopians. And in trying times facts get confused, people get fidgety and governments get that certain… what’s the word I’m looking for… bloodlust.

Don’t be confused, dear Wonqettieer. Here are a few simple ways of finding out where you stand politically and intellectually.

  • If your leader has bragged at one point that the elections he held were “not just fair by African standards but by ANY standards” and you believed him… you might be an EPRDF-er.

  • If your party claims that it landed a “landslide” victory after losing an election, and you don’t question that logic… you might be an EPRDF-er.

  • If your leader goes on the record and begrudgingly admits that there might have been some flaws in the election by proclaiming, “But because of the fallibility of human nature, mistakes cannot be avoided“, and you don’t scoff at him with derision… you might be an EPRDF-er.

  • If you find yourself compelled to file things like “The complaints investigation process took place in the context of serious violations of human rights and freedoms…” under “F” for “Fallibility of Human Nature” … you might be an EPRDF-er.

  • If you are also moved to file “Context of complaints process did not meet international democratic standards for elections” under “H” for “Human Nature, Fallicies and Stuff”… you might be an EPRDF-er.

  • If your leader says, “The victors will establish a government soon and administer the country democratically” while threatening to “unleash fire” on peaceful demonstrators and you follow that logic… you might be an EPRDF-er.

  • If one of your leaders’ lackey is quoted as saying, “Anyone who incites violence, other than those elected, will have to face the law" and a big lump of stupid doesn’t get stuck in your throat, you might be an EPRDF-er.

  • If you nod wistfully and get vaguely aroused when your leader lobs out slightly psycho-sexual statements such as, “Thus what remains is to consummate the democratic process in a democratic manner”…you might be an EPRDF-er.

  • If it makes perfect sense to you that your party first blames the opposition, and then the EU for making it kill 42 people and imprison thousands… you might be an EPRDF-er.

  • If your leader does not have the intellectual capacity to understand the difference between an “election process” and “winning an election”, and he vomits his temper tantrum in a tortured letter-to-the-editor that has been ridiculed by most people who’ve finished high-school, yet you write a letter “exalting” praise for it… you might be an EPRDF-er.

  • If you just don’t understand that killing people who oppose you is fundamentally, er, wrong… you might be an EPRDF-er.

  • If your leader drones on about the sanctity of the Ethiopian constitution, yet he routinely violates at least 3-4 articles in the constitution per day, and you can’t see the glaring contradiction in that … you might be an EPRDF-er.

  • Similarly, if your leader hides behind a knee-jerk, pre-programmed “supremacy of the law”, and trite “work peacefully and legally”-type boilerplate sound bites while he breathlessly violates many, many laws, yet you think he is the upholder of freedom and democracy… you might be an EPRDF-er.

  • If you like your facts pre-fabed in a “Revolutionary Democracy” lab, sanitized and wobbly against even the most rudimentary intellectual scrutiny, or if you have no problem believing 2 + 2 can sometimes add to 5.6 due to “human nature and fallacy”…you might be an EPRDF-er.

  • If something in you tingles with joy even if you don’t quite understand what he means when your leader says,

"If they choose the violent option by disrespecting the constitutional order, there could not be negotiation for the respect of the constitutional system with a force working for instability, a force that refuses to respect the constitutional order."

… you might be an EPRDF-er.

  • If you think that frightfully archaic ethnic Bantu-fication of a country is “progressive” in the face of the digital century… you are a serious EPRDF-er.


  • If your understanding of democracy and what it means to have a vibrant opposition is summed up by your leader’s contention that:

"If by some reason EPRDF lets these oppositions to participate in the government it would automatically quit development activities and other works and becomes a government of crisis and disputes. Thus EPRDF never contemplates [the unity government] option."

… you MOST DEFINITELY are an EPRDF-er.

Okay, people? You get it now? You know where you stand? You’re welcome!

Oh wait… my most favorite, favorite quote from Prime Minister Meles in this must-read-and-gasp-with-incredulity interview... (I wish I was a good enough satirist to come up with this stuff…)

Asked about the outgoing parliament’s passing of legislation that says only the party that has a 51% majority can bring up items to be put on the agenda, let alone discuss and debate it, Ato Meles pops a potent unreality pill and opines:

The third country that was taken as a model is Germany. The parliamentary and federal system of Germany is somewhat similar with our own. Therefore, it was on the basis of these and other countries’ experiences that the regulation was amended. And the objective is not to limit the opposition. It is to provide the incoming parliament with the conventional practices that those democratic countries follow so that the parliament would become efficient and more democrat in its activities.

I could not make that up if I tried! No. I couldn’t. I don’t have that kind of depth in shallow logic.

Sooo… those goddamn Germans! Ever since that whole Hitler thing, I tell ya…

Errrr… and this, ladies and gentlemen, is the Ethiopian leader at work. Limiting the opposition’s power… what? The Germans (who also divide their nation by ethnicity, by the way—Bavarians vs. Frankfurters--- bitter rival since the 11th century) do it, and, really, aren’t we more like the Federation in Germany than, say, name me another country that rules through stoking ethnicity and divisiveness. And wasn’t it that waskly wabbit Gerhard Schröder who accused Angela Merkel of supporting an Interwhame, that bastard! Come to think of it, we are just like the Germans—they’re in a stalemate over elections as well, and just today Mr. Schröder warned the Christian Democratic Union that any mass rally against election fraud will be considered an attempt to subvert the German constitution. See? See how we be the same?

(In case you find it interesting, the other countries Ato Meles based this new parliamentary procedure were India and … (ta-da!) Great Britain.)

Seriously, aren’t EPRDF supporters mortified by this, or do they think it’s okay to be led by Ato Meles’ dazzlingly retarded logic? Don't they feel tired of their intelligence being so mercilessly insulted?

Ahhhhhh… who cares? They’ll soon all end up in Washington working for the World Bank.


Blogger kuchiye said...

In their inexhaustable graciousness and endless patience Ethiopians have accomodated, albait painfully,the excesses of EPRDFers for the last 14 years. Their supporters satisfy not only one or two of the traits you listed, but each and every one of them. It is hard to imagine how people with average intelligence could allow blood-thirsty tyrants lead them to destruction.

I was sick to the stomach when I read Abraham Yayeh's "open letter" on the Tigrai web site called aiga.com. It gives you a clearer perspective of where they are comming from and indeed the extent of challenges Ethiopians have to face.

4:01 PM, September 27, 2005  
Anonymous Yohannes said...

kuchiye always beats me to the comments... grrrr.

Last call for EPRDF's supporters. but then again, they might be more derranged. tick-tock.

4:12 PM, September 27, 2005  
Anonymous ADG said...

i like to eat ding dongs and watch the Simpsons all weekend... ergo, i willfully inject trash and fry brain cells. ipso facto, am i am eprdf-ffer?

kuchiye: why did your stomach-ache? did you hear the interview also posted on agia? forgive me, but i was laughing, hysterically, at that! the fact that that dude is what ihagd/tplf supporters look to for leadership shows that wenqqi is right: were it not for the guns, these lunatics could never lead through intellect. dumb as dirt. anyway, guys like that and their followers are a dying breed. in a few months they will be as useful and "with it" as a VHS. they are the compuserve of Ethie politics- dated and useless. as wenqi said, their ethnic baiting is the "adhari" verbiage of the mengistu era.

so, laugh with me, lemalet new. bewnet, listen to the guy and you'll know what i mean. eprdf/tplf supporters are stuck on stupid. or as we say in DC, "e-stacked adrgewal." the rest of the world have moved on.

5:37 PM, September 27, 2005  
Anonymous chigir yelem said...


Stop being so cynical! We are like the democracies of the Germans and the Indians and the Great Britonians. Didn't Tony Blair just state that the parliament of Great Britain cannot put up any bill dealing with finance-related issues? Huh? Huh? So Meles was just copying Tony Blair when HE declared that the in-coming Ethiopian parliament cannot, uh, put up any bill dealing with finance-related issues? All democracies do that!

We are ET-Germo-Indie-Brits. Woo hoo!

by the way, is it me of is Berhanu Nega a super mind?

Finally, we have arrived.

6:03 PM, September 27, 2005  
Anonymous yekolotemari said...


EPRDF is not interested in democracy. They are probably cursing the day they wanted to hold their ‘show case election’. They are coming up with all sorts of twisted logic to justify the unjustifiable. They have truly underestimated the intelligence and the patience of Ethiopians. Thank you for articulately and humorously voicing the opinions of all Ethiopians. I truly enjoy your blogs…

11:12 PM, September 27, 2005  
Anonymous Teddy said...

Why do you speak of facade EPRDF- the facade in stead of WOYANE- the reality?
Are you also falling for the repeated lies of Woyane?
EPRDF only exists in the propaganda literature of Woyane. The real force is only WOYANE. And now it is becoming the Great pathological liars - Duo-Melse and Berekt

3:04 AM, September 28, 2005  
Anonymous prayforethiopia said...

http://prayforethiopia.org this coming Sunday. Please link the site. muchoas gracias.

5:05 AM, September 28, 2005  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

great as usual. the 'eprdf'? what is the 'eprdf' except a name for a group of few tyrants and many many stupid/idiot agents who are unable( for lack of intellectual capacity) to transform themselves to respond to the basic questions of the day---freedom and development!!

5:46 AM, September 28, 2005  
Anonymous Don't Cry For Ethiopia said...

If tears could have washed away misery, Ethiopia would have been a land of paradise today!
If discussion alone could have solved problems, Ethiopia would have been with out it today!
If our love for Ethiopia could have been measured by the music we listen to or the food we eat, it would be immeasurable!
No, today Ethiopia wants us to act, Ethiopia wants us to go out and march and tell the world of the impending terror that is plotted against her!
Today Ethiopia wants us to speak to those who have the means and the power to act in her behalf!
Lastly, I would like to leave you with lyric from a song for our beloved Ethiopia and ask you to take a minute to sign the petition at the link below. After signing please pass it to at least five of your Friends. Truly, collecting 3000 signatures should not take much time.

Enat BiTmoT YiLeKeSaL: AbaT BiMoT YiLeKeSaL
EhiT BiTmoT YiLeKeSaL: WoNdiM BiMoT YiLeKeSaL
HaGeRe StiMoT WoDeT YiDeReSaL


6:27 AM, September 28, 2005  
Anonymous not genet zewdie said...

sweet jesus al'mighty! wonq, i leave for a few months and our "comment" section p.h changed. where is filwuha lij, non anonymous? (what happened to comments like “ana viagra gomez???) Yoni still here, i see... (i wink at you, Y.) zenebe is the new not anonymous.

i am starting the exorcizing of the wonqette fiefdom. Be-sime-ab, be-sime-ab, be-sime-ab. Amlak igzihaber please change the chlorine in the wonqette comment pool.

9:40 AM, September 28, 2005  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I didn't think you could, but you've outdone yourself, ETW.

You know you're reaching a segment of the Ethiopian population in the diaspora and even in Ethiopia hitherto uninterested and cynical about Ethiopian politics and perhaps Ethiopia as a whole, don't you?

Brilliant. Keep up the Berhanu social (r)evolution!

10:18 AM, September 28, 2005  
Anonymous ye filwiha said...

ngz - welcome back hon! hope you enjoyed your trip despite whatever was/is going on... libbb dikimmm yemyaderig neger having a keen interest in our politics...

ene emilew -- didn't wonki once suggest that Hailu Shawel should take golfing lessons or something leaving politics to the politicos? if he ever considers her suggestion, I'm willing to get him the bag with full set of clubs - he apparently got all the balls he needs for an almost 80 year old fart... somebody, please tell me the opposition will remain relevant despite the seemingly whackos who are now "leading" the coalition... our "zany, brainy, super-cool, non engineer..." Berhanu is being sidelined, Meles and co. as shoddy as ever or worse if that's possible, I don't know what's next...

p.s. the comment section pH, if it changed, I think it's for the better except the few double digit IQ visitors every now and then, which we always have had

5:39 PM, September 28, 2005  
Anonymous not anonymous said...

Not Genet Zewde:

Ere alehu yene ‘nat, alehu! I may go roam about now and again but I always come back here ‘cause, to a die-hard Wonqiteer like me, Wonqville is home! Are YOU a die-hard Wonqiteer, NGZ? Here’s how to know . . . . .

If your blogger drones on about some Doo-Ri-Doo-Ri, Luca Luca and Vera-Vera and a big lump of stupid doesn’t get stuck in your throat . . . .

If you don’t scoff at her with derision for writing a tortured statement exalting praise of Esteban and Narciso that is ridiculous not just by African standards but by ANY standard. . . .

If you find yourself compelled not to file her statements under “G” for gullibility . . . .

If you understand that killing your blogger is fundamentally, er, wrong and so resist the urge to take her up on it when she proposes that you shoot her if you ever saw her in silver boots . . . .


10:11 AM, September 29, 2005  
Blogger ET Wonqette said...

Not anonymous,

Ahhhh, I figured you out to be one of those rabid, godless, sophist Anti-Fashionista fascists who are probably responsible for the human atrocity that is corduroy.And to... and to brandy about the name of Narciso without first sprinkling yourself with ye iyerusalem imnet ...! No wonder God flooded the Ninth Ward.

And "Vera Vera"? ChikanE myderss mesloh.

12:38 PM, September 29, 2005  
Anonymous not anonymous said...

LOL, Wonq! Still, you ARE the sharpest knife in the drawer or, should that be a sharp pain in my drawers? Just don't go falling prey to that socially engineered mindfuck about "so-must-have" vera-vera and alladat . .

12:58 PM, September 29, 2005  
Anonymous enaseb said...

not anonymous ena Eteye wonkette....hearing this back and forth feels like the much awaited-ripping off of ducktape from my mouth. tenfesssssssss. demo be` corduroy meTashebign??? hoooo! not anonymous...i am smiling (big) at the possibility that i could be boxed in as a wonkiteer!

8:50 PM, October 08, 2005  

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